Why am I so healthy?
My fittest friends are in hospital – but not me
By
Nicholas Lezard
Nicholas Lezard writes the Down and Out column for the New Statesman.
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My duvet has acquired a will of its own
It has made a declaration of independence even with every button on the cover done up
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Finally, a vape that doesn’t make me cough my lungs up
But I’ve already lost it somewhere in my bed
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A missing delivery presents me with a terrible moral quandary
Tracking down the lost package I feel like a spymaster
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Alas, the bailiffs are at my door again
The pimple on the bum of humanity in front of me was waving a piece of paper with a…
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On Hampstead Heath and Southern Railway, I am marooned
I was part of a social experiment in which people have to get to Brighton at weekends without using…
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The perils of black denim
Why doesn’t it wear as well as blue?
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I dream and smell of festive roast goose
It turns out that fatty food does not make my gallstones howl in agony
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I am beset by boredom, a rare condition that’s not good for me
I forgot Damon Runyon’s name for the entire time it took me to walk from Waitrose to my flat
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